JustBe

June 24, 2023

Welcome to the first edition of JustBe. The newsletter that addresses the critical aspect of being human. Here, you will learn about ways to improve your life by becoming more resilient and fulfilled, not through the desires of others or what culture demands of us, but through reason, science, and first-order thinking.

May your journey be enlightening and fulfilling. Always remember to 'just be.'

• THE EDGE - the raw truth

"Can't you just be?"

"Are you kidding me?" That's all you've got? Just be? I think I said something like, "What the hell does that mean, just be?" I was a bit angry, but I soon realized that I needed to reflect on it and consider its significance.

This was my therapist's response to the recitation of things I felt I needed to be at that point in my life.

After telling my therapist what I needed to do, what I needed to have, and what I needed to say to the people who needed to hear what I had to say, after telling my therapist what I needed to become and explaining all the reasons why am the way I am, he paused and looked thoughtfully at me.

As he set his notebook down to his side, after my “I need to be” lament, I wondered if he was going to say something useful because I no longer had health insurance. This would be the last appointment; he had better say something practical and profound. That's when he said those words, “Can’t you just be?”

Working in commercial real estate was going to be my path to riches. "This isn't so hard," I reassured myself. With a few successful deals under my belt, the intricate world of real estate development began to reveal its secrets. It was a journey of identifying a project, be it a piece of land or a building, and enhancing it while finding a suitable end user.

The real challenge lies in overcoming a series of hurdles that could potentially hinder your path to success, issues such as zoning, infrastructure needs, lease negotiations, and other complexities.

I knew this type of stuff, after all, that was my early training and education. I was brimming with confidence.

The thrill of chasing down deals, unleashing creativity on properties, securing approvals, designing spaces, and the ultimate reward of making money- what could possibly go wrong?

Around the same time, my marriage was falling apart. We had married young and had children right away, and I was immature when it came to money and life. I wanted to make a pile of money, and my risk-taking was taking a toll on my relationship.

I was in real estate during a time when real estate loans were readily available and demand was high (long before 2008-2009). Once I had figured it out, I thought, why should I keep making money for these people? I'm a smart guy. I can do this for myself, on my own.

My challenge was that I didn't have money and wasn't sure who would help me . However, I remembered I knew someone who had money and knew how to acquire more. So, we partnered and started our own development company, putting down earnest money on a failing mall.

We agreed that I would find the deals, and he would find the financing. I would do it while still keeping my current job, and until I had made enough money to leave that job. And through it all, I would impress my wife and save my marriage.

Good news: My business partners (the money guys) found a bigger money guy, and off we went to buy a Mall. But then, the universe had other plans.

Did I mention the bigger money guy turned out to be a con man and professional grifter with a track record of creative grifts?

Did I mention that we lost the mall deal and the substantial earnest money deposit?

Did I mention my marriage was falling apart?

Did I mention that I was young, immature, and focused on the wrong things in life?

I think back to the therapist's office in my post-marriage failure, post-grifter revelation (we found out from the FBI), and post-termination at the current job (not part of the plan) mood. Yes, and "Can't you just be?" rings through my head.

My question to you is, do you need to be something? Are you needing to “just be?”

Years later (today), I think about that session often. I think about what it means to just be. I think about how, in this crazy, chaotic, vulnerable world we live in, the phrase just be might fit in and be helpful.

And what I have learned is that I don't need 'to be' anything to anybody; all I need 'to be' is 'to be.'

Here's the bottom line: I not only survived, but I thrived. Yes, there were moments of intense struggle, but I emerged victorious, carving out a career in economic development and business that many would envy. The marriage was over, but the kids did well.

Resilience is not just a word for me. It's my identity.

This is my invitation, JustBe, not only in life, but also through this newsletter of the same name. The newsletter will explore our “being” inside and out.

Come with me on this journey of discovery and fulfillment. We will explore what it takes to be resilient and overcome life's challenges and hardships, and we will do it together.

I am excited to do this with you and make this my life’s mission.

MKV -- June 2025

•THE SCIENCE - grounded in research

Professional psychologists and researchers have developed and tested these techniques to help you learn how to suspend judgment. Here are three ways to help you “just be” during times you want to judge:

The 3-Breath Pause -- When you are ready to cast judgment on someone or something and feel triggered, take a deep breath three times before assigning any meaning.

Proven impact: Activates parasympathetic nervous system, reducing cortisol levels by up to 20%
Clinical basis: Core component of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
Key research: What are the benefits of mindfulness by Daphne M. Davis, PhD, and Jeffrey A. Hayes, PhD --July/August 2012, Vol 43, No. 7 Monitor on Psychology

The "Maybe" Method -- Practice responding to news (good or bad) with "maybe..."

Evidence base: Derived from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Measured outcome: 35% reduction in emotional reactivity*
Supporting research: Mindfulness-based stress reduction: a non-pharmacological approach for chronic illnesses by Asfandyar Khan Niazi and Shaharyar Khan Niazi | North American Journal of Medical Sciences

The Neutral Observer: Describe situations using only facts, strip away all evaluation

Clinical framework: Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
Proven effect: Significant reduction in depressive relapse rates
Research validation: Building Self-Awareness at Work by Lauren Florko Ph.D. | Psychology Today

• THE PRACTICE - actionable steps

Practicing Non-Judgment in Daily Life

How can we cultivate this element of resilience in our own lives? Consider these practical approaches:

The Pause Practice --
1. Core technique: 3 deep breaths before meaning-making
2. Key question: "What alternate interpretations exist?"
3. Real-world application: Use during political/news consumption
4. Pro tip: Set phone reminders for intentional pauses
The Timeline Perspective -- •
1. Method: Project forward (1 week → 1 month → 1 year)
2. Breaks: Short-term reaction cycles
3. Power tool: Combats immediate gratification bias
4. Journal prompt: "How will I view this in 6 months?
The Neutral Observer --
1. Technique: Use fact-based language only
2. Example: "Project is 2 weeks delayed" vs "complete disaster"
3. Advanced practice: The "No Opinion" challenge
4. Remember: Not having an opinion is a valid stance
The Historical View --
1. Tool: Personal experience journal
2. Focus: Past "negatives" that became positives
3. Example: Career setbacks → growth opportunities
4. Action item: Document one past perspective shift weekly
The Farmer's Mantra (A Sufi Tale) --
1. Response template: "Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows?
2. Creates: Space for possibility
3. Usage: When others demand immediate judgment
4. Breaks reactive response patterns
5. Stay engaged while remaining neutral

Implementation -- You have read all these suggestions. Now put this into practice. The simplest thing to do would be to pick one of the five above and start practicing it intentionally and deliberately.

• THE COLLECTIVE - build shared momentum

Weekly Challenge:
• Notice when you feel compelled to have an opinion.

• Track your "no opinion" moments.

• Document what happens when you choose to "just be.”

Share Your Experience:

• When did the urge to weigh in feel strongest?

• What happened when you resisted?

• How did "just being" change the outcome?

This Week's Question:

In a world demanding hot takes and instant reactions, what's your experience with choosing not to have an opinion?

Click here to share your story

What Do You Think?

Did you like this newsletter? Are you ready to transform your thinking? JustBe can help you develop the thinking and skills to navigate the tough parts of life. I invite you to subscribe and be a Founder. Click on the link below and remember, "just be."

Click here to Subscribe

Submit Your Story:

• One compelling story will be featured weekly

• First names only for privacy

• Click here to share

Next Week:

We'll explore how different members practice "just being" in high-pressure situations.

Can you help spread the word?

Do you know someone who needs to "just be"?

Forward this newsletter to a friend. They'll get founding member pricing ($97/yr), and you'll get a month free when they join

Limited to the first 30 referrals

They can sign up for a subscription here.

About Future Offerings:

P.S. Next month, we'll share an exclusive founding member preview of our Flow Resilience training—no hard sell - just a peek behind the curtain for those interested in diving deeper.